I’ve not updated much the last few months. Life has just gotten so very hectic that it leaves me with little time to do much of anything… you know, anything other than the *massive* amounts of work, school, synagogue and extracurricular activates that I’ve piled on myself. Oh and the dating. Mustn’t forget the dating. ^__________^
To be honest everything has been good, in the crazy hectic life of mine. This summer I wrote my thesis prospectus. I presented my prospectus to the professors of my department on the 14th of this month and I was given the go ahead to start my research in earnest. Yay? x.X Really I worked myself up entirely too much over this, it went quite smoothly. What I *should* have spent my time getting my panties in a twist over was teaching. I had my first class this past Tuesday and it could have gone better. Class number two was today, and I was more than adequately prepared for this one and it went swimmingly. I have students who talk, some of whom are very excited about the subject material, so yay. I’m relaxing into being the one in charge, and even starting to enjoy it. Oh the power. *evil cackle*
Stacy and I are doing really well, I’m just stupid crazy about this girl, she makes me mushy on the inside. We’ve started watching “Tru Blood” interesting show, that we watch as much to make fun of as b/c we actually like it. S’fun.
I’m listening to the book “In cold Blood” by Capote on audio book right now. So far it’s not bad, but I get tired of books that have so much description. Screw what the sun set looks like; just tell me what’s going on!
Sadly conquering my issues with my body image has not been one of my victories this summer. A question was put to me about “how” I do body image; and how I might change that. Body image is one of those nebulous and uncomfortable topics any discussion of which seems to be filled with platitude. How *I*do body image is probably not how you do. I find myself standing in front of the mirror pulling on my stomach trying to somehow pull tight the flesh that I find offensive. I catalogue my faults as my eyes wander over my semi clad form. I look at—critique is a better word—both women and men, noting flaws, making comparisons—both favorable and unfavorable—to myself. I read magazines, I watch DVDs and I go to movies. I have a very clear image of what a “good” body is supposed to look like. It’s a very narrow definition, and it excludes a great many people. But there are enough that fit into it that make it seem a possibility rather than an unattainable illusion. But it’s never been attained by me. And daily I despair that it ever will be. Part of me wants to just alter this, let it go, change one and for all the “what” of my definition when it comes to body image. But part of me, the traitorous part that thinks if I just look “right” then I’ll be happy, is still enamored and longs to look like the perfection outlined in my head. Is it lack of clarity that keeps me from changing how I do body image? I’m not sure. How do you change how you do body image? How would you change? In a perfect world, if I could pick one—looking like I want but forever feeling that I’m not *quite* there, or not looking like I want but being happy with the way I look, well the choice seems obvious. I’d pick being happy. But why does that feel like a cop out? Like I’m just giving up on my ideal b/c it’s too hard? I’m 27, and part of me thinks that its only downhill from here, body wise. That seems to be the back ground noise that I’ve ingested over the years. That your twenties are the best years— physically speaking—of your life and then after that your body starts to turn traitor on you. So do I fight the clock or just accept the inevitable? Can I do either?
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