I’m in Quebec right now.  and to be honest, am a bit homesick.  my phone doesn’t work up here, i can’t get on the net from my laptop which means that i have to use the hotel’s computer and the keyboard is made for people who speak French.  NOTHING IS WHERE IS SHOULD BE AND SOME THINGS ARE JUST GONE.     NOT. HAPPY.  *sigh*  the conference is going well, although i made an ass of myself at a panel today, happily it was sparsely attended so no one will ever know save the six other people there. ha!  I’ve been sightseeing today; I didn’t get to see as much as I’d like b/c everything here closes at 5.  It’s very much like London in that way.  It is also very annoying. Tomorrow, more panels and the more sightseeing.  Also, I am missing the much touted lunch with dr. Herman and friends because cell phones don’t bloody work up here (and even if they did it cost 79 cents a min) so I can’t call anyone to see where they’re meeting and supposedly we were sent and e-mail about it but I never got it.  Perhaps he just doesn’t want me to come?  i hate this stupid keyboard.  *bangs head on desk* I miss Stacy; this would be so much more fun if she was here with me. That is a novelty for me, I’ve never been on a vacation and… ok no, I’ve done that before, and it’s just that I wanted Katie to be there with me. Ok, never mind.

Damn but this is a weird keyboard thing. Grrr. And you know what I forgot to pack? I was going to bring some DVDs b/c I knew that I’d end up stuck in the hotel with nothing to do at some point, but I forgot to bring them. To bad there isn’t a local blockbuster or something. *laughs* I did find the local drug store, so I guess I should be happy, my need for a nail file was much more pressing than my need for mindless entertainment. It’s not like I didn’t bring books, it’s just that after sitting in panels all day, I could use some mindlessness.

And I miss my cats. I worry about Celle. She’s got asthma, and I know that Stacy will take very good care of her, but she’s never had cats before, thus she’s never had to give meds to a cat before. Now Celle is very good about taking her meds, we (Stacy and I) think that she’s figured out that they help her, because there is such a short time span between her taking the med and her being able to breathe better, plus she’s a pretty smart cat. So she doesn’t fight it, and she doesn’t get all freaked out and run away after, in fact most of the time she’ll follow me around right after. So its not that I’m worried that Celle will be a problem about it, it’s just if you’ve never done it before, I imagine that it would be rather difficult. I grew up with cats, I can’t ever remember not having a cat, so when people don’t know how to pick them up, or that when the swish their tails it means they’re pissed off, it makes me laugh, but it also makes me remember that not everyone knows everything that I know.  

Lo!

So yesterday was Halloween.  It was also pride.  There is an understanding in Judaism that one should not "mix simchas" which basically means that you shouldn’t have two celebrations on the same day, b/c you cannot devote the proper attention to either.  For example you wouldn't have your wedding during the High holidays.  Well i agree with this idea.  I don't like having Pride on Halloween.  I wasn't able to pay either of them, Pride or Halloween, the attention that they deserved.  And it rained.  And i think i pissed off Katie.  So boo.  But that night  Stacy and I were able to go to my friend LeeAnn's Halloween party and it was good times.  Also, this was Stacy's first pride and i got to show her Outwrite, which is the best GLBT bookstore in Atlanta, also her first time.

Today i planted trees.  I name them, trees.  B/c it is my belief that you take better care of things if you name them.  The first tree that i planted was a Japanese Cheery tree, so her name is Tashiko (from Torchwood) The two that i planted today are Heero (another Japanese cheery) and Goldie (a golden rain tree)  They're at my parents house of course b/c i live in an apartment and thus have nowhere to plant things.  :(   

oh, i have some manga that i want to get rid of.  I have books 1-11 (all but the last) of Gravitation.  If anyone would be interested let me know.  They sell for 10 bucks a book but I’ll sell all of them for 50 or the best offer i get plus shipping.  They're in perfect condition.  Only read once.  I can provide pictures if need be.

Lesee

So, yeah, been a while. 

Got my new wallet and cards and stuff.

Tried to lose it again today. On the up side didn’t.

My anxiety has been all over the place, and I’m going to see the Dr. about my meds tomorrow. So. Tired.

I’m tired all the time these days.

Nearly lost my funding for next semester b/c of budget cuts. Was told only yesterday that I will get my funding after all. THANK YOU GOD.

Am trying to graduate at the end of the year. In order to do this must write thesis. Which means I must do research….not sure when that’s gonna happen. Some day.

Cats are doing well.

I’m in love with my girl friend. <3  I even told her so. ^_^ And she said it back. 

Girl friend likes the cats. (This one’s a keeper.)

Drama on line and on the forums.

Need to exercise. Did yoga yesterday and felt /so/ much better. 

Feel nauseous. Prolly due to anxiety.

Am going to bed now.

Love to you all.

Wednesday:
started to feel ill
put gas in car
arrive at school 1/2 hour later
tried to find wallet
couldn't find wallet
realized wallet must have fallen out of my pocket at gas station
called gas station
no wallet
realized that SS card was in wallet
cursed a great deal
called credit card company
/someone/ found wallet-- and spent 75 dollars that wasn't theirs to spend
canceled debit card
ordered new card
will take 4-7 business days to arrive
but dragon con is in 7 days and i need access to my money
can send it fed ex but need someone on to sign for it
...i live alone, and will be at school can they leave it at the front office of the apartment complex
only if i leave a certified letter
i have to leave for school before they open and i won't get home today until after they close
no rush delivery for me
called credit card company
canceled credit card

Ordered new card—see above
called mom
mom said call police
called 911, was put on hold
hung up and tried to get number for Duluth Police department
called Duluth Police department
got disconnected
mom called back with a list of numbers to call
put fraud alerts on all my accounts
finally got in touch with Duluth police department who do not actually have desk officers
so i have to drive all the way back home to file a report
drive /back/ home--w/o driver's license
realizes that i need money to get new drivers license
have no id
have no debit card
go home get passport
still ill, only getting worse

go to bank
plead with bank to give me my money
withdraw money--thank you bank lady who was nice
went to police department
filed report
will take three days to get copy of report, am given report case number
go to get new license
stand in line
get to lady at the counter
stand in line some more
tell lady that my wallet was stolen and want new number for license
lady says that i need police report
...but i have to wait three days to get the report and i don't want to drive without a license
lady says that i'll have to come back
but i have the case number!
lady says I’ll have to come back.
Give up and get new license –red tape is of the devil

Thursday:

Realize that I’ve got a sinus infection

Plot to take over the world with sporks…

Decide I need more sleep

Instead stay up and watch movies with girlfriend while trying to force my nose to work

Friday:

/Very sick/

Go to work—i.e. dress up in poodle skirt and matching shirt and stand on the side of the road—in the rain—for 5 hrs.

Should go home and to sleep

Don’t

Go to friend’s house and play computer games

Create giant stack of used tissues

Remember fondly what it was like to be able to breathe through my nose

Come home and post to LJ

Have work tomorrow

Must sleep now

I’ve not updated much the last few months. Life has just gotten so very hectic that it leaves me with little time to do much of anything… you know, anything other than the *massive* amounts of work, school, synagogue and extracurricular activates that I’ve piled on myself. Oh and the dating. Mustn’t forget the dating. ^__________^

To be honest everything has been good, in the crazy hectic life of mine. This summer I wrote my thesis prospectus. I presented my prospectus to the professors of my department on the 14^th of this month and I was given the go ahead to start my research in earnest. Yay? x.X   Really I worked myself up entirely too much over this, it went quite smoothly. What I *should* have spent my time getting my panties in a twist over was teaching. I had my first class this past Tuesday and it could have gone better. Class number two was today, and I was more than adequately prepared for this one and it went swimmingly. I have students who talk, some of whom are very excited about the subject material, so yay. I’m relaxing into being the one in charge, and even starting to enjoy it. Oh the power. *evil cackle*

Stacy and I are doing really well, I’m just stupid crazy about this girl, she makes me mushy on the inside. We’ve started watching “Tru Blood” interesting show, that we watch as much to make fun of as b/c we actually like it. S’fun.

I’m listening to the book “In cold Blood” by Capote on audio book right now. So far it’s not bad, but I get tired of books that have so much description. Screw what the sun set looks like; just tell me what’s going on!

Sadly conquering my issues with my body image has not been one of my victories this summer.   A question was put to me about “how” I do body image; and how I might change that. Body image is one of those nebulous and uncomfortable topics any discussion of which seems to be filled with platitude. How *I*do body image is probably not how you do. I find myself standing in front of the mirror pulling on my stomach trying to somehow pull tight the flesh that I find offensive.  I catalogue my faults as my eyes wander over my semi clad form. I look at—critique is a better word—both women and men, noting flaws, making comparisons—both favorable and unfavorable—to myself. I read magazines, I watch DVDs and I go to movies. I have a very clear image of what a “good” body is supposed to look like. It’s a very narrow definition, and it excludes a great many people. But there are enough that fit into it that make it seem a possibility rather than an unattainable illusion. But it’s never been attained by me. And daily I despair that it ever will be. Part of me wants to just alter this, let it go, change one and for all the “what” of my definition when it comes to body image.  But part of me, the traitorous part that thinks if I just look “right” then I’ll be happy, is still enamored and longs to look like the perfection outlined in my head. Is it lack of clarity that keeps me from changing how I do body image? I’m not sure. How do you change how you do body image? How would you change? In a perfect world, if I could pick one—looking like I want but forever feeling that I’m not *quite* there, or not looking like I want but being happy with the way I look, well the choice seems obvious. I’d pick being happy. But why does that feel like a cop out? Like I’m just giving up on my ideal b/c it’s too hard? I’m 27, and part of me thinks that its only downhill from here, body wise.   That seems to be the back ground noise that I’ve ingested over the years. That your twenties are the best years— physically speaking—of your life and then after that your body starts to turn traitor on you. So do I fight the clock or just accept the inevitable? Can I do either?

Hi guys.  I've never owned a laptop before, but I’m betting that some of you have.  What advise can you offer for a new owner?  I'm most interested in the whole battery thing.  Does it matter if you keep it charging/plugged in most of the time?  Its only got bout 3 1/2 hr battery life.  I look forward to your help and advice.

Thanks!
Erin

I don’t really have a comment on the death of Michael Jackson, a little surprised, and curious as to know *why* he died.

In other news, I have been assimilated, I’ve joined facebook. *is sad* I tried so hard not to give in, I fought long and hard and Facebook won. Oh well, if anyone is on Facebook and would like to friend me, drop me an e-mail. 

I now have a job w/ Best Buy *dances* boy did I need that. I might actually be able to make it through the summer and paying for the move to CA, should it actually take place, will be *much* easier. I have a date on staurday with a girl from my Death and the after life class her name is Stacy and she’s really cool. She likes comic books! And while she’s a Marvel fan I’m willing to over look that b/c I think she’s interesting people. I’m both excited and terrified about this Saturday by turns. I haven’t been on a date with a new person in over six years. And this is my first date with a girl. With my luck I’ll spit on her or something.

I’m writing this in part b/c I’m now way too wired to go to sleep and in part b/c the police might need it. I was getting into bed and I heard a gun shot. I jumped out of bed and ran toward the window and I saw a guy standing by a black van w/ a red stripe he was tall maybe 6 feet but it was difficult to tell, muscled, thick, probably 260 lbs wearing a wife beater tank top and black windbreaker pants. Buzz cut, brown hair, white. He had a gun. He was loading the clip into it and he put it up in the air and then he turned around, the gun held behind his back. It was silver. And then he started walking toward the apartment building across from mine. I ran and got my phone and I called the police. I gave her the description and—fuck there goes another gun shot—ok so I gave her the description and while I was on the phone with her we heard another shot. So this latest one make three. Honestly I actually live in a fairly safe place. Or I thought I did. I’ve lived here for three years and nothing like this has ever happened but I gotta say that I’m a bit freaked and its 1:58am and I’ve got no one whom I can call and talk me down. So right, I gave her my name and my contact info and told her if the police needed to contact me that was fine. Fuck, I wish they’d get here. I mean I don’t know if they’re going to stop by or what but I wish they would arrive at the complex b/c he could be hurting someone!! Thank god I’m on the third floor and that there is only one way in. And believe you me it is locked and bolted. Ugh. I’ll think twice about going out around this time, hell I was going to go down to my car and get the Rx that I left in it but then I decided I couldn’t be bothered. And now, apparently, there are crazy gunmen running around my apartment complex. No more gun shots. That’s good right? Ugh. I’m going to try and go to sleep. Weird night. Very weird.   

Hello friends. Cat update. Celle is on the mend, which is good. Simon is now sick. Which is bad. *sigh* I just can’t win for losing. 

Also I’ve been doing maths, which just goes to show that maths *are* dangerous no matter *what* your teacher told you in grade school, right anyway, maths. I’ve been trying to calculate my move to California next summer, trying to compare moving w/ my stuff vs. moving w/o my stuff (i.e. just me and the cats) honestly I don’t think I can fit enough of my stuff in my car to warrant that one, not with the cats as well, which means that I’ll pretty much have to have some kind of truck. This is going to cost a bloody fortune. *headdesk*